Thursday 10 December 2009

19

so, the bosphorus. good food, check. manageable price, check. absence of waiting line, check. hot date, to be confirmed.

there's more ambiance in the bosphorus than you imagine the owner could afford, and less privacy than you can, considering all the tables are between sneezing distance of each other. nevertheless, there is not much room for complains, as there is no complaint form to begin with.

as you are engaging the lawyer in conversation, and are just about able to phase out the background noise to get into the mood of the situation... a seedy waiter appears. unlike your usual wandering monster, there is no saving throw for this encounter, and you are prompted to place an order. considering you spent no time reading the menu, and all of it reading the lawyer's eyes, now would be a good time to eyeball some possible options for dinner. you stall for time, as you order a tall glass of vimto:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

Tuesday 8 December 2009

18

bright lights, big city, that's where i want to be. sign me up for everything excluding the lines outside every major restaurant in sight and mind. excluding the waiting lists on every possible eatery and cafe. excluding the 'we're full' signs hung upon the doors of the quaintest eat-ins. the prospect of finding a suitable first-date dining location could only be harder on christmas eve. in a snowstorm. at the north pole.

and as your mind digresses in the multitude of levellic directions it takes when you're anxious and slightly hypoglycaemic, you realise that you're every bit the uncanny little devil who could sell high heels to the lady who lives in a shoe. time to get creative, before your date realises you're just winging it - and your latent mind suggests a nice eatery a couple of blocks down, at the corner of 54th and bennet.

hmmm, recalling, recalling. one of those middle-eastern places. can't really place the name...

the name is somewhat elusive, start's with an 'e' and sounds a bit arabic. or something like that. maybe an 'al-' something? or 'el-' something?

argh, this is annoying, how are you supposed to suggest a place if you can't even remember its name?


when suddenly, it hits you:

'bosphorus'. your voice sounds strangely baritoned as the word leaves your mouth, when you realise that your date has spoken, syllable for syllable in sync with you. now staring at you, as you are at him, contemplating the fact that the both of you had the same idea in mind:

holy shitballs, jesus, the psychic hotline called and the zerg want their hive-mind back!

Thursday 3 December 2009

17

ah, the cinema. the place where magic happens. escapism in its finest for the modern (wo)man, which even caters for the moodiest flavour of the months - tragedy? drama? sci-fi? horror? maybe even a bit of comedy? or, god forbid, romance? it's like an all-you-can-eat buffet for the visual and auditory, at probably a fifth of the price. what's not to love?

as you unerringly dash through the crowd, you notice that your the banker is falling behind, probably due to him not being as much the city-boy as you are the -girl. without a moment's hesitation, you grab his hands and lead him through the crowd, darting between the odd couples and sidestepping the families you know would only take longer than expected to get to the front of the line. spilled popcorn? overstepped those. unheedingly and inappropriately embracing couples? dodged those. it's like vietnamese minefield to which only you know the potholes and safe-routes.

and after what seems only moments, you are at that special place where everyone who goes to the movies without prior plans ends up - the big screens of movie lists. unbeknownst to yourself, though, you have made such a bold progression for the night, and you look up to the banker, raising your eyebrows towards the screen as if to suggest that he should at least peruse them. which is when you realise that you still have your fingers interlocked with is, and against all your suggestions to take a look at the movie-list, he is lost and caught examining something else - the infinitesimal depths of your eyes.

which is probably for the worst, actually, as at the precise moment, the other people in the crowd are steadily pushing the two of you closer and closer together. without the greatest efforts of resistance, there is no doubt in your mind that you would end up having a more physical encounter than you would prefer - something that he obviously senses (what is this guy, spiderman?) as he shifts his body so as not to face yours, and casually takes a look at the screens.

'so, what movie are you in the mood for?' he asks, and you realise that you're not even sure what's showing. the screens change to reveal the list of potential movies that are, which you let roll a few times as you ponder your answer:

1. 'the curse of doctor horrible': cheesy third-grade horror movies are always a sure bet on sizing up your first date. easy on the brain, contingency escape reason should shi* hit the fan, sounds like a winner.
2. 'indiana jones and the death of a prophet': action and adventure, ehhhh. if your date sucks, at least harrison ford (hopefully) won't. only downside is that it's three and a half hours long and nobody wants to be stuck in a dark, noisy, secluded place with someone they might end up thinking very much lesser of.
3. 'ancestors and the righteous': chinese dubbed social drama. one for the indies.
4. 'amy's ends': love story and chick-flick. probably a good test on your date's initial response to compromise. but at what risk?
5. 'a day in galatasary': odd name for a comedy, but it has robin williams and ashton kutcher, hmmm. sounds a bit dodgy but you can't really go wrong with a bit of slapstick and a lot of yelling, right?
6. 'sweet elbonian artisan jesus': a social commentary and low-budget documentary. think michael moore on anti-depressants.
7. 'the culling of stratholme': you're not sure about this one; tear jerker meets psychological thriller meets supernatural twister. directed by m. night. syamalan, though, so i guess it's a hit or miss choice. are you a gambling person?

16

he's a very good conversationalist and more than compensates for your lack of an opening. you find out that he's working at a local branch of an international bank - was it hsbc? or barclays? can't really recall, but something big along those lines. he deals with stocks and shares and all that jazz, which, when he notices is not particularly in your field of interests, covertly shies away from the topic and asks you about yourself.

you tell him that you're still studying interior design, and you're enjoying it. nothing too spectacular to say for the time being. and you continue to trade questions and answers, taking every opportunity that you can spare during your own answering to assess his physical forthcomings.

you learn a lot of the banker (as you've now aptly dubbed him in your little black book) - eldest son of four, coming from a middle-class family. big but humble aspirations for work and personal life alike. new to the city, having transferred here from his hometown down south. all in all, the makings of quite the man.

donnie, what a catch.


as you both finish your drinks, do you,

1. offer to go to the cinema,
2. think it would be appropriate to get some dinner, as it's way past time and both of you are probably hungrier than the proverbial horses.

15

a simple thanks does more than you'd think it would (+1 romance points to your current score. if you have not met with a message such as this, you started out at 0 points, and currently have 1). he offers you one of the two sporks he has picked up, and you continue to enjoy the cake over an interestingly, elaborate conversation.

continue the conversation, here.

14

as you silently congratulate yourself on not being able to think up a more interesting conversation-starter, you find that it's not all that bad. he's a very good conversationalist and more than compensates for you lack of an opening. you find out that he's working at a local branch of an international bank - was it hsbc? or barclays? can't really recall, but something big along those lines. he deals with stocks and shares and all that jazz, which, when he notices is not particularly in your field of interests, covertly shies away from the topic and asks you about yourself.

you tell him that you're still studying interior design, and you're enjoying it. nothing too spectacular to say for the time being. and you continue to trade questions and answers, taking every opportunity that you can spare during your own answering to assess his physical forthcomings.

you learn a lot of the banker (as you've now aptly dubbed him in your little black book) - eldest son of four, coming from a middle-class family. big but humble aspirations for work and personal life alike. new to the city, having transferred here from his hometown down south. all in all, the makings of quite the man.

donnie, what a catch.

as you both finish your drinks, do you,

1. offer to go to the cinema.
2. think that, despite the bit of brownie you've had, you'd rather have something proper to eat.

13

ah, starbucks. the land of yuppichinos and chique-lattes. or something like that.

as you sit yourself down, at the table closest to the hot foods, you comfortably adjust your derriere to face the radiator such that you actually fell the sensation of your ass hitting the chair. considering the torrential downpour which has suddenly decided to pms outside, starbucks, with its abundance of body heat and lack of fresh air, was actually a good place to head to.

you smile curtly at your date as he asks if there's anything on your mind, or would you like to stare for a bit at the starbucks menu (seriously, who does this). deciding that you already know what you want, you tell him that you'll get your favourite drink, which is [something i can't pronounce, much less type out here].

unsurprisingly, he gets up and orders a drink for each of you, and even decides to get a piece of brownie. luckily, starbucks doesn't sell bittersweet-flavoured ones. in a few minutes, while you calm yourself down from the earlier excursion into adrenaline-land, he's sat opposite you and, having paid for everything, waves it off as you (half-heartedly) produce your purse from your handbag.

1. 'so, what do you do for a living?'
2. 'you like starbucks?'
3. 'thanks for the treat.'
4. again, smile as you unabashedly pick up one of the two sporks he's provided and take a small slice of the brownie.

Tuesday 17 November 2009

12

as you change your focus of attention, from the chocolates to flowers, he instinctively sees your attempt at sugar-coating the fact that he has made the wrong choice of confectionery.

'ah, not a fan of dark choc, i see? i'll make it up to you, later, okay?' his offer is true enough, and you blush again, as you trivialise the chocolate flavour,

'no, no, that's fine,' you quickly think up a redeeming point in his opening gestures 'the roses are more than enough' as you pick one out of the bouquet and give it a smell. they're not plastic, and surprisingly they smell sickly sweet - just the way you like it. it is beyond any doubt that this man is, although slightly cliched, a frequenter of fauna and has demonstrated a surprising amount of aptitude in selecting only the best roses for the bouquet. (add one romance point to your total. if you have not encountered a note such as this before, you start out with 0 points, and now have +1).


as you usher him towards the doorway, you cannot help but think - what other surprises does this man offer? your thoughts are broken by him questioning, 'so, where would you like to be whisked off to, now?'

1. 'hmmm, what say we hit the cinema? there's a feature showing that i've been hearing about'
2. 'i think we'll head to the restaurant. i'm quite famished as it is'

11

you place the two items on your table-top and give a sincere thank you, well-knowing that you're probably not going to touch the chocolates. ever. maybe it'll make a nice present for your someone at work or you could keep it in the fridge and pop it out when you have guests over.

you have a brief staring contest with the man, and breaking the silence, you suggest where to head now:

1. off to the movies!
2. it's time to get some chow, to the restaurant we go.

10

the insincerity in your voice scrapes against the pitter-patter of rain outside, much like a fresh piece of chalk on one of those old blackboards you had in high-school. attempted honesty is not your forte, and it clearly shows as your date realises his mistake in not choosing something sweeter. (deduct one romance point from your current score. if you have not seen a message similar to this before, you start out at 0 points, and now have a grand total of -1).

as you place the roses and box of chocolates on your counter, you make a decision as to where you both should head, now.

1. will it be a restaurant
2. or will it be to the movies?

9

you curtly ask your date to wait for a minute as you dash upstairs and ready yourself. clearly you are now holding the upper hand in this situation, and you decide to make full use of it. readying yourself as much as you can, you are done in about an hour - as you make yourself down to the living room you can clearly see the amazement on his face as you slowly grace down the stairs, every agile step in a waltz-like tempo, that mezmerises your date such that he does not realise his jaw dropping. (add one romance point to your current total).

continue, now, to dazzle your date, as you step out the doorway, leading him on with not even the slightest indication that he's going to get lucky tonight.

1. would you reckon a fancy restaurant might add to the atmosphere?
2. or are you in the mood for a movie?

8

your date is clearly unimpressed with your inaptitude and chortles as he opens the door for you. (deduct one romance point from your current score. if you have not seen an indication such as this before, you start out with 0 points and your current score is -1).

curse your luck as you exit the doorway. maybe you'll have better luck once you get a conversation rolling...

7

as you step out into the dank street, the rain steps up a notch and by any means of definition, 'raining cats and dogs' would be much preferable to this. you lock your door silently, and only the creak of the hinges is heard against the background of torrential rain. as your date opens up his umbrella and beckons you under, you notice that he is slightly detached, probably put off by your prodigal use of borrowed time. you make up your mind to redeem yourself as you decide what to do next.

while your date remains silent, do you decide:
1. to keep it casual, and head for the nearest starbucks.
2. that you're hungry as a fat chick on the atkins diet.
3. that there's a movie playing at the local cinema that's to die for (although you can't remember which it is).

6

as you reach the bottom of the stairs, he looks at you nervously,

'ummm, you've got a little something on your, uh...'

as he gestures to his face, making a circle around his well built cheek-bones, up to his hazel eyes and back down to his little stubble.

obviously referring to your now-horribaddible make-up, he hands you his handkerchief. however, he seems content that you haven't wasted more time than you already have, and smiles warmly as he leads the way out your door, walking slowly to allow you the opportunity to fix your make-up as you scramble to open your latchable-mirror in your purse. (add one romance point to your current score - if you have not met an indication such as this before, you start off at 0, and now have +1 points).

both of you step out the door, into the rain, which is now giving way to a patchwork of sunbeams, slitting through the dreary clouds. things are looking up, and as you dabble the last remnants of mascara off your cheeks, so do you, and you finally get a look at your date's face with sufficient time to take it all in.

1. do you suggest that you head on down to starbucks, where you were initially meant to meet
2. or do you forgo the idea, since you're already late, and risk a bit more of a serious leap, and suggest you head to the cinema a few blocks down
3. alternatively, you are pretty famished, so you're going to suggest both of you grab something to eat at a restaurant you've been eying for some time

5

you take 'a minute' to put on make-up and before you realise it, half an hour has passed. yeap, that wristwatch is still broken and no magic elves have made it work since the last time you checked.

since you're already late, you decide, what the heck, and take another 10 minutes to look extra pretty, then stroll down the stairs to your now-bored-but-still-waiting potential date. the fact that he hasn't taken off is half a miracle in itself, and it's another half of a miracle that he hasn't fallen asleep on your couch.

1. shoes in hand, heading for the door, do you decide to apologise
2. or take the lead and coyly say 'shall we?'

4

apparently, the gods of dating have their eyes set on you today, and he forces a smile, with telltale signs of a sentence forming at the tip of his tongue.

thank. you. sweet. canonical. blunder. jesus.you think to yourself.

and to your surprise, 'sorry for barging in on you like this. i waited at starbucks for an hour or so and thought you might have forgotten, so i made my way here.' forgotten sounds pretty awesome in your head, because it implies that you've got your fair share of dates, and to you, this is just another one for which you couldn't care less. 'besides, your place is just down the street from where we're supposed to meet, so i thought i'd give it a try before i gave you a call.'

(add one romance point, to your starting score of 0, totaling now +1)

1. if you wish to own up, and apologise for being late, continue here.

2. if you would play along with his assumption and exclaim, 'ah, yes. date. i knew i was forgetting something,' click this option.

3

you stare at him for a second, hoping he'll say something. something witty. something funny. something embarrassing. something annoying. just, something. and as he says nothing, the seconds stretch into infinity.

1. if you chose to blurt out an apology, now would be a great time.
2. but, if you wish to wait, you cross your fingers behind your back and hope.

2

yeap, obviously the right thing to do at this point is play the wild-card: the girl's right, and if you want any of this tail, boy you better recognise.

as you invite him in, you notice him giving a slight frown, paired with a 'uhuh' smile and you bet that in his mind's eye, he's rolling them hazel eyes in disbelief (deduct one romance point, which, as you started out with 0, is now -1)

'if you'll just give me a second,' you whisk away to grab your shoes, while simultaneously gesturing him to sit down with one hand and slamming the door shut with another, 'i'll just be a second and we should be set to go.'

you dash upstairs to grab your brand new pradas / d&gs / whatever it is shoes you prefer and as you're passing the hallway downstairs, you realise that you've not put on your make-up, yet.

jesus-freaking-christ, i look like a two-dollar saigon whore.

1. are you going to put on your make-up quickly, before you dash downstairs?
2. or are you just going to wing it?

1

you blush and look downwards at your shoes - drat, you're not even wearing shoes yet - and mumble an apology:

err, i'm sorry, my watch... didn't realise that it was... broken and something happened, i'm not sure what... stuck at four-fifteen... actually, four-seventeen


and in the incoherence of your thoughts, all you can think about is how embarrassing this is, and he probably is already thinking of taking off. at your own doorstep. before the date's even begun. that's an all time new-record low. nice. but just as you're bashing yourself for your bad luck, he jumps in and makes the save:

eh, no worries. happens to me all the time .

and changes the subject faster than you can say 'holy raptor jesus, batman,'

um, here. i got these for you

and hands you the bouquet of flowers, and box of chocolates. your cat-like reflexes (and the fact that you're hungry like an ethiopian red-headed step-child) reach for the box of chocolates first, and as you muster up a smile for the gentleman, you realise that it's a box of dark chocolate -

aw crap, i hate dark chocolate.

and the flowers are - yeap you guessed it - red roses.

oh come on, where has the creativity gone? well, at least he's sweet.


1. do you want to thank him and say 'oh wow, dark chocolate! my favourite'

2. or would you prefer to just say a simple 'thanks' and smile as you accept the gift
3. or would you use the powers of girly-eyes (tm) as you coo 'awwww, you got me roses'.

male

you are greeted with a pearly white smile, a bouquet of flowers, and a box of chocolates in the shape of a heart.

how cliche

you smile sheepishly as you realise that, even though you are the one who's late, he has arrived at your doorstep.

'how the hell did you get my address anyway?' you think to yourself as your mouth says hi, and your arm reaches out to find his.

1. do you wish to apologise for being late, and proceed to explain yourself?
2. or should you pretend that nothing is amiss, and just wing it?
3. or would you prefer to wait for him to make the first response, seeing as he arrived at your place, when you were supposed to meet him down at starbucks, anyway.